Amazing. The San Francisco 49ers won their second game in a row today. They beat the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, a pretty good team. A playoff team. The only playoff team we've beaten all year. In fact, the only team with a winning record we've beaten all year. We were very large underdogs, I'm sure (I just spent no less than 4 minutes of research time trying to find out what the odds were for the game, but due in part to the game being over and in part to my ineffectiveness at understanding odds lines, I cannot properly provide you - i.e. nobody - with that information). But somehow, the Niners pulled it out and spoiled Jeff Garcia's glorious return to the toilet that is Candlestick Park, where he spent the prime of his career.
This is quite a nice little turn of events for us Bay Area sports fans who have been starved for some time now for any sort of victorious momentum. Now we have a chance to go to Cleveland next week and cap this weak sauce season off with a respectable 3 game winning streak and a less respectable 6-10 record. That would be a step backwards from last season, but it wouldn't be laughing stock territory, which is where we've taken up shop for the better part of the season. So, as long as the Giants are busy not making hot stove headlines, preferring to wade in the shallow end of the free agent pool with the likes of Aaron Rowand, I guess the goal of the Niners finishing 6-10 is something to root for. It's the only thing for awhile, anyway. Other than the Cowboys somehow getting bounced from the playoffs earlier that expected, that is.
Anyway, the question is, how have the Niners managed to pull off this mini-miracle? I mean, they have looked as crappy as any team I've ever watched, and I am including the 2-14 squad we had a couple years ago. Some may point to the obvious change we've had at the quarterback position. Shaun Hill has come out of nowhere to nicely manage two consecutive games and try the unthinkable: use the talented players on his team. Namely, Frank Gore and Vernon Davis, who each had a receiving touchdown today. Who would have thought of that? I've only been screaming "Throw it to Davis!!!" at the TV since late September. But then again, I also had him on my fantasy team.
But I digress. Yes, Mr. Hill is probably the front-runner for the guy most responsible for the hot streak, but I actually know differently. You see, I went to the game against Cincy last weekend. Knowing it would be chilly, I pulled my old school Niners sweater out of my closet to bring to the game. Let me tell you something: this sweater is straight up rad. It's wool, bright red, embroidered with "49ERS" in white across the chest, and features three white stripes on each arm, just like the uniforms. It may be difficult to understand how awesomely retro my sweater is, but trust me. It's pretty cool. No less than four dudes at the game last week complimented me on it.
The point is, we won that game. Then I wore the sweater again today, at home, and we won today too. Stay with me. I also remembered wearing this sweater a few years ago when I went to the Niners-Chiefs game, and that was a victory as well. The very next week, I went down to San Diego for the Niners-Chargers game. I did not wear the sweater. Why? Too warm. What happened? We lost.
I think you get the point. When I wear this badass 80's sweater that I got from a Polish holocaust survivor swaeter manufacturer who is friends with my holocaust survivor grandfather, the Niners channel their magnificence of that decade, come out and kick ass. It's an amazing formula I've discovered. This sweater is worth millions.
So take note. The sweater will be worn in Week 17. The Niners will go 6-10 on the season. And I will continue to not get laid.
