Oh my God, it is going to be a long fucking season. It's the bottom of the 6th inning right now in the Giants-Dodgers game on Opening Day, and the season is already becoming tiresome for us Giants fans. Seriously, this is the team we're trotting out to start the season? This roster looks more like something we'd be stuck with if a real team was decimated by injuries. This looks like an Atlantic Coast team that should have some weird name like the Long Island Mudflaps. It's like the team the Indians had at the beginning of "Major League," when the fans were looking at the roster in the paper and asking each other "Who are these fucking guys?"
Now it's 5-0 Dodgers. Sweet. Barry Zito picked up right where he left off last year: sucking some serious dick. I mean, is this one of the worst free agent signings of all time or what? Seven years for $126 million. People snickered at that when they thought he was still good. Now it's an absolute joke. What the hell happened to this guy? He's not a power pitcher, so he couldn't have just gotten old and lost his velocity. He throws curve balls, except instead of buckling knees like he did with the A's, now he gets hammered. To me, it's obvious: he's a mental weakling. How else do you explain coming over from the American League to the National league, to a pitcher's park, and perform so awfully? He's caving under the pressure of the contract expectations. He's lost his confidence. He can't fuck his girlfriend anymore. That's all there is to it - the man has become impotent, and if there's one thing I can't stand watching, it's a limp dick trying to do its job.
And the rest of this lineup...yeesh. Brian Bocock? This guy hit .240-something last year... in SINGLE A BALL!!! Honestly, in the entire farm system, there was no one else to call up??? You could go to a batting cage and find some douchebag just as qualified. Rich Aurillia used to be my favorite player when he was a scrappy, roided-up role player six years ago, but come on. He, Dave Roberts and Ray Durham should retire, buy motorcycles and take a guys trip somewhere, then get Tim Allen, John Travolta and Martin Lawrence to play them in a movie.
I simply don't know if I can get through a season where the most offensively intriguing player in our lineup is Aaron Rowand. I mean, there is absolutely no one on this team who you can look forward to watching swing a bat. Is Bonds still available? Pay him anything to come back.
Yay, Opening Day!
